Lacrymose

For the past 3 days, I have been depressed. I don't know why or what triggered it. I started suffering from depression when my mother died in 1999. It got to the point where I couldn't even go to school, so my dad let me drop out (on a few conditions, of course). For a few months I went to therapy, but it was the children's center, so I had to stop going as soon as I turned 18. Eventually my depression dwindled the longer my mother had been deceased. Every now and then, though, it comes back, usually on holidays, mother's day, my mother's birthday, or the anniversary of her death (which is coming up on the 31st). However, the last holiday was July 4th, her birthday was in March, and her anniversary isn't for 2 more weeks. It started up while I was at work. I was just overwhelmed with sadness out of the blue. Then yesterday, I had my playlist on shuffle, and it decided to be cruel and play the most depressing songs. That didn't help. I went and saw Harry Potter today, and after I got home, the sadness came back. I don't know if it is my disappointment in the movie mingled with something else, or what. I have been on the verge of tears, but am holding it in. I hate crying, especially in Brian's presence.

On a happier note, I got my degree in the mail finally!!! I've been done with school since December, but didn't graduate until May 14th. So, I'm excited to finally have that little piece of paper. Now the hard part is trying to defer my loan repayment since I missed registering at Texas State University for the Fall Semester. Registration ended July 1st, so I have to wait to register for next Spring. All the while, my loan company keeps hounding me to start paying. I don't know what to do...